LIP GLOSS & ELECTRICITY
A Rivethead Girl's Guide to Making Them All Lick Your Boots!
Alright, now is the part in the course where we tackle what has been
previously overlooked. We must discuss Rivethead Girls, because we are
out there, even if there are only a few of us. You may be asking yourself,
"What does a rivethead girl look like?"
Well, there are two easy steps to finding this one out. It's simple. First,
grab a copy of any of the following movies, while taking note of the following
Second, grab a copy of either Remission or Too Dark Park while muting the
movies. (Don't worry, if the dialogue is any good, you can just read it
anyway.) Observe how rivethead these ladies become while kicking asses.
- La Femme Nikita- La Femme Nikita(The original french movie with subtitles,
not the lame television series).
- Run Lola Run- Lola (She's a cutie, but you must excuse the colorful outfit
- The Matrix- Trinity (Oh.......watch her.....kiss ass...........!!!!!)
RIVETHEAD GIRL FASHION
This part is relatively easy, most rules in the
previous section on fashion apply to us also- but of course, there are a
few differences. Here are a few basic but simple fashion rules to help you
Fashion Rule #1 - BIG BOOTS ARE A FRIEND TO ANY GIRL
Yes, that's right. I
don't mean little ten holes, or crap that you find at Payless. I mean the
real shit baby, the twenty holes!! Steel-toed!!!Feel the ache in your
legs, as you try to acustom your muscles to the extra weight, and don't
whine about your blisters either (It should be a gradual process my dear,
a gradual process)! Feel the power as you walk down the street. You can now
kick the shit out of anyone!!!
Fashion Rule #2 - SEX IS POWER
You can really get the opposite sex to do
anything you want, if you remember that sex is power, and when men get
aroused, the blood rushes from their brain to their ding-dong!! Make them
think of sex, while also looking like you can kick the shit out of them at any
given moment!!! Tight fitting tank tops, fishnet stockings, and really tiny
cargo shorts are a good way to make him lick your boots.If you are lesbian,
it works well too.
Fashion Rule #3 - SPIKES ARE GOOD
Spikes are a useful tool when you are
thrashing about, and they look really cool too. Don't be afraid to spike
your hair (long hair is boring anyway). Spiked chokers, bracelets, and body
jewelry compliment any outfit. Yet, don't overdo it- otherwise people will
be mistaking you for a punk.
Fashion Rule #4 - BE ORIGINAL!!!!
For christsakes, don't walk into a club
wearing the same Wumpscut tee everyone and their mother has. Be different when
you go out. Wear a computer part as an accessorie, or sport your dad's toolbelt
from the garage. If someone asks you where you got it- tell them to fuck off!!!
Fashion Rule #5 - LOTS OF MAKEUP IS FOR GOTHS
Damn straight!!! Keep your
makeup simple- notice this is entitled "Lip Gloss and Electricity", not "Black
lipstick and electricity". You don't want your makeup smearing down your
face as you dance to the fourteen minute "Cause It's Hot", do you?!?! Hell
no. Ever see those goths when the clubs over and they get in the light?!?!?!
They're suddenly pretty scary!!
A FEW MORE RANDOM TIPS
Dating and sex......it's all good. But you only want it on your terms,
tell them to fuck off!!!! Be sure to always, always make sure you do stuff
on your terms! Here are some examples:
Lame Rivethead Boy: Oh, baby. Can you please go down on me?!?!
Rivethead Girl: What?!?!!
Lame Rivethead Boy: You never swallow!!!
Rivethead Girl: What!?!?!
(Rivethead Girl proceeds to kick the living shit
out of him, while he meekly tries to defend himself.)
Sex roles and stereotypes are bad. Obviously,
because you don't really fit them- especially if
you want to be a true rivethead girl. And if you
don't fit into it, it's obviously lame.
Remember:everyone wants you, especially boys.
NEVER EVER EVER worry about being "unfeminine" or
"Unladylike." You're female, and that makes you
Rivethead Girl: Goddammit. Fuck everyone.
Raver Chick: Wow, you are really aggressive. Want some X?
Rivethead Girl: What?!?!
Raver Chick: It frees your mind. We can put on some Drum&Bass and dance around in circles!!
Rivethead Girl: What!?!?
(Rivethead girl proceeds to kick the living shit
out of her, while she meekly tries to defend herself.)
Biblethumper: Turn yourself over to Jesus, or you will burn in the firey pits of hell!!
Rivethead girl: What?!?!
Biblethumper: Are you one of them damn lesbians?
Why don't you act like a lady?!! You are going to
burn in hell if you don't accept Jesus Christ as
your lord and savior!!!!
Rivetheadgirl: Eat my shit!!!!
(She then proceeds to grab the bible from out of
his hand and beat the living shit out of him with
it, while he meekly tries to defend himself.)
Enough said. Now go out there.....and make them
all lick your boots!!!
Amy - email@example.com
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